I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize