FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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