you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
