Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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