I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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