Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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