My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
