it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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