Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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