Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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