It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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