The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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