Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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