I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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