well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
