Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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