Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My dick has a subreddit
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize