I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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