chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
