so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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