Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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