Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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