ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
