So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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