he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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