My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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