i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize