Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
