3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
