Pregnant stripper...not hot.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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