I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
