YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize