Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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(818): View more from California

to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.

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(810): View more from Michigan

i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said

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(206): View more from Washington

I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

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(208): View more from Idaho

The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.

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