all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
