I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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