They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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