i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I showed him my bush... on skype.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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