Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
