mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
