By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
