Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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