Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
