i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
