I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
