You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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