dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize