my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
