toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
