Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
