Swine flu. Run for my life!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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