All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize