and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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