I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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