if you like me you must not know who I am
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
