How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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