hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
