you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
