Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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