new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
