i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think i peed on brittanys purse
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
