Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
