The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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