I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
