Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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