i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
