every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
