I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
