Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
