Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize