My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
