If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
