WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
