bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
