get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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