Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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