chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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